ChowdhryKashif News

Still In Need of Sleep

Kashif Chowdhry — Fri, 18 Jun 2004 07:09:46 GMT

Man, this is what happens when you havent slept in a long time. I just turned on my computer and I tried to take the glasses off my face that weren't there. Apparently my face forgot that I had taken them off after the play. Speaking of which, that was a pretty kool play. Mind you, I didn't understand half of what was going on and my fascination with the backdrop took my attention away from the actors...I still liked it. The actors were spectacular. I've tried acting before and it's hard to just stand in front of a crowd and speak nevertheless act in front of others (did I use the right word?...nevertheless? my English skills evade me). Anwyays, I really liked Mark A. Phillips aka Ezra Chater aka Mr. Chater. He really did a good job of projecting his character in a way that wasn't so in-your-face but at the same time not so subtle. What I really needed at the moment was someone to be like "hey, this is what's going on" Simon, Adriana, and Kaitie didn't even know either. Simon and I were whispering to each other about the quiet guy. He just kind of sat there for most of the play and did nothing. I'd like to sit on my butt and get paid like that.

The intermission was fun cuz I got to talk to Adriana about music and stuff. Oh yea, here u go Adriana...the links to the music I was talking about.

If you want to just play it directly from your computer, you can click on the links. But if you'd rather save them to your pc, right click, save as.... mac: click-hold, save as

Relapse Photography - God Left

Relapse Photography - Brilliant

the songs aren't actually complete in any way. they're just quick compilations for my band to assess the progress and know where we are at a song. You'll find lots of glitches in the works but you get the general idea of the music we play. We're trying to find some more energetic tunes to work with, but I'm always mellowing thigns out so I'm trying to let the band push the song rather than me doing most of it. I don't know why but the band always thinks me to be the band leader or whatnot. I'm the most musically challenged person in the band so I don't know where they get their info from. Oh well, enjoy!

I think I'm dying...no, wait...that's my stomache growling

Kashif Chowdhry — Thu, 17 Jun 2004 13:27:07 GMT

It's 6 in the morning and I haven't slept for 24 hours (minus a small nap I had last afternoon)

I think my heart is acting up again. It better keep working. I got finals to take care of. Lots of work. Yikes!

With much hesitation do I post my paper 2. It contains questionable ideas and concepts. But I decided that I'd risk it to get the paper across. Without further delay (actually the disclaimer is sort of a delay)...my paper two:

Disclaimer: The following story is completely fictional and bears no resemblence to any persons, living or dead. Any resmemblence is strictly coincidental and should be regarded as so.

Spoonful of Sugar

The Medicine

Somewhere around eleven at night, Mathew snuck out of his bedroom window and took his car out. He sung along to some mellow songs until he reached Eddie’s block and parked his car on a nearby street. It took about fifteen minutes before Eddie came crawling out of his window. He got caught on some brushes on the way out and complained about having to go out late as he dusted himself off. Mathew reminded Eddie that this was a once-in-a-lifetime event and anything was worth not-missing it. The two headed off in the car towards Tim’s place and once they made it, they weren’t surprised; Tim was standing outside on the sidewalk. You could tell he had been waiting outside for a while by the way he took notice to the car. It was a summer night but he was shivering. He even had his brown jacket on. Tim looked good in brown. After five minutes of aimless driving, Tim got bored.

“So what’s the plan?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to do, Eddie?”

“Hey, you’re the one that planned this thing, you’re the driver…drive.”

They passed by a few burger joints and neared a diner. Diners were always open in the middle of the night for late night outings.

“Fine, fine. Let’s stop here and get something to eat.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Yeah man, I’m hungry!”

They stopped by a diner they had been to several times before. They went there enough times to know the menu but not the waitresses. But knowing the waitresses didn’t do much for them. The service was always good and they enjoyed themselves there.

Once they were done with their eating and horseplay at the diner, Mathew decided to head to a park near his house. Parks were important to the three and almost symbolic. They spent a good deal of their nighttime outings at the park; talking about whatever was on their minds. They called it ‘bonding time.’ This is how the three really got to know each other. They would open up and just not worry about who they were. They just were. And they all just accepted each other; no strings attached.

They walked around the park a bit talking about the school year and how hectic it had been. They all agreed this year was something they’d never forget. Mathew took the time to thank Tim and Eddie for being his friends. He let them know how much they meant to him and how they shaped who he was. Tim and Eddie were happy when Mathew expressed his feelings but they were a bit confused and wondered why he was being so emotional. Mathew asked the two to pose for a picture with him and pulled out a small camera from his pocket. He took two pictures before the film ran out.

“I’m going to go get some more film. Be right back”

“Okay, don’t take too long”

Mathew ran back to the car and opened the passenger’s side door. He searched around until he found the black bottle lying in the glove compartment. He stared at it for a while before putting it into his pocket then headed back to where the boys were chatting.

Tim was asking Eddie about a song he once heard in Mary Poppins. He couldn’t place his thumb on the words but he could vaguely remember the tune and he somewhat hummed it as he spoke.

“Hey, how did that one song go about the medicine?”

By then, Mathew had returned with the bottle and took notice to Tim’s question.

“Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

“Oh yeah, I can’t believe I forgot that.”

With that, Mathew took the bottle from his pocket and drank its contents. The poison was fairly sour. To counteract the taste, he took a packet of sugar he had saved from the diner and ate it. Sweet success, he thought. It took Tim and Eddie about a minute to realize what Mathew had just done. Unfortunately, for them, it was too late. Mathew was already on the pavement. He held his stomach, doubled-over. Tim made desperate attempts to call the police but to no avail. This would be the one time he wished he had charged his cell phone. Eddie was at Mathew’s side, trying to comfort him, but there was nothing comfortable about convulsions. Within minutes, the poison reached his heart. Mathew suffered a fatal heart attack and died that night. The sun rose the next morning; it wouldn’t wait for Mathew’s return.

Mathew had left a note for Eddie and Tim. He explained everything he had done and why. Nothing made sense, though. It was just a mixture of random sentences, words, and letters. Near the bottom of the note was a request from Mathew. It asked the two to tell his parents he died peacefully and without pain. Mathew knew this was a lie. Mathew also knew ignorance to be bliss. The request also asked for Tim and Eddie to give his apologies to all he couldn’t say goodbye to. It was the least he could do for all who knew him. Mathew had no time. He was always rushing and always late. At the very bottom of the note was something Mathew had written by hand:

He died of a broken heart…it stopped…the blood flow ceased…he saw his last few images…smiled…then closed his eyes.

A Night to Remember

A day before, Mathew called up Eddie. He needed to make sure he could be with him at his finest hour. Eddie meant the world to Mathew. They had been best friends since the day they met. It was the kind of relationship that began before two people met. Somehow, somewhere, they were waiting to meet each other. And when they did, the strongest form of friendships shined upon the earth. Not that Tim was any less of a friend. Eddie and Mathew just had a more dramatic friendship and it meant something beyond the stars to them. Mathew knew Tim could get out any time he wanted so it wasn’t much of surprise when Tim accepted. Tim was always out and about. Eddie was more of a concern since his parents always kept him under watch. They knew just about how many times he went to the restroom in a day. Mathew had told Eddie that this was an important event that he couldn’t and wouldn’t afford to miss. At first, Eddie was hesitant; he wasn’t too sure about risking his outing privileges to carouse on a random night. To him, there would be other days; other days he could spend with his friends and not get in trouble. Mathew understood this, and he knew Eddie wouldn’t risk his freedom so easily, but he also knew that Eddie had a lot of respect for what Mathew saw as important. It took just that. After mingling through a small debate and explanation, Eddie was in on the deal: he would go out on a little adventure with his friends. Tim was excited when Mathew called him up. Tim never had a chance to run around at night with Eddie, let alone Mathew. Mathew’s situation was not far from Eddie’s, but he still had lots of freedom to work with; he just had a curfew he broke every so often.

The next night’s plans were spontaneous and consisted of driving around and visiting familiar sights; one of them being their favorite roadside restaurant. They walked into the diner and looked around for a spot. It wasn’t very hard to get a nice seat at this time of night. There were barely any customers; a couple in the corner and an old man drinking coffee with a newspaper were the only company the diner had. The boys took their time finding the perfect spot and when they did, made their usual marks.

“Hey, check this out. Next time someone tries to use the salt, they’re going to get salt!”

“Eddie, you’re such an idiot.”

Mathew laughed. Eddie and Tim always knew how to get a smile out of anyone. Mathew had a lot on his mind. Whatever it was, Eddie could read him like a book.

“Hey, what’re you being so astrological for?”

“Philosophical.”

“Yeah whatever, you know what I mean. We’re not in school right now. What are you thinking about, huh? If you’re going to take over the world, you better include me.”

“Let’s blow it up!”

“Oh yeah. Smart one, Tim. If Mathew blows up the world, there’s going to be nothing left to take over.”

“At least it’ll be fun.”

By this time the waitress came to their table. She was an older lady, probably in her fifties and looked as if her life had long expired but her body was unaware of it.

“How are you fine gentlemen doing?”

“Cool.”

“We’re fine.”

She passed out two menus: one to Tim and the other to Mathew.

“So what’ll it be, boys?”

“I’ll have the burger and fries…curly, please. And for Eddie…the steak and sauce with mashed potatoes. You know what you want, Mathew?”

“Umm, I think I’ll just have a strawberry shake, please.”

“Hey Tim, the steak better not be spicy. Last time you got me something, I couldn’t eat it.”

“Don’t worry about it. Why didn’t you get anything to eat?”

“I’m not hungry…just want a shake.”

“Suit yourself.”

They played with the condiments while waiting for their order. It took longer than usual but they didn’t mind much. They had all the time they could get. Tonight was their night. It was a night to remember.

Probably Missing Someone

During lunch, Mathew decided to stay away from Derrick. He was still afraid that Derrick might confront him and start a scene again. Mathew loved to debate but knew when to leave things as they were. Tim and Eddie were sitting at the benches near the cafeteria shooting crumpled balls of paper into the trashcan.

“Hey guys, what’s up?”

“We’re seeing who can make the most points from here. So far I’m wining by three points.”

“Have you seen Derrick around? He kind of got in this argument with me about that stupid lecture we had in class earlier. I think he’s taking English a little too seriously. He was talking about suicide and how honorable it is and I told him that those are only stories and only idiots kill themselves in real life. I think he’s mad at me now”

“Nah, haven’t seen him around. Last time we saw him, he was walking towards the band room. What’s up with the suicide talk?”

“I don’t know, man. You think maybe he’s suicidal or something? I’m kind of worried now that I think about it. That guy does some crazy things but never anything like this.”

“He’s probably crying over some girl that rejected him. That fool is always getting rejected. He needs to calm down and learn to make friends before he tries getting girlfriends.”

“Yeah, watch him go and try to be like Romeo. Next thing you know, he’ll go and kill himself over the next girl he sees.”

Tim laughed.

“Good one, Eddie.”

“Yeah. But seriously…what if he really is feeling suicidal? Shouldn’t we help him?”

“Mathew, you worry too much. Give him half an hour and he’ll be on top of some new chick. The guy doesn’t use this too much.”

Eddie pointed at his head.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Like I said: only an idiot would kill himself.”

They continued their game until the bell rang then headed off to their classes.

Right is Wrong, Left is Right

Hamlet lived on in the conversation after English. Derrick and Mathew were debated about the honorability of death.

“Dude, Hamlet was a total idiot if he thought about killing himself. What a loser”

“Hey Matt, that’s not true. Lots of people that kill themselves are not losers”

“Yeah, they’re dead. Seems like a loss to me”

“You’re closed minded, that’s what.”

“Closed minded? I’m not closed minded. I’m using my senses. Who in the hell would kill themselves to make things better? Nothing gets better when you’re dead.”

“Yeah. Nothing gets worse either.”

“So if I’m having a bad day I should just kill myself. That’s fucking smart.”

“You know what? You’re a dumb ass. You think just because someone kills himself, there’s no reason to wonder why? Tons of people do it ever year and—“

“So you should too.”

“Maybe I should. Maybe I will”

Derrick stormed off to class leaving Mathew more confused than ever.

“I wonder what’s wrong with him.”

Even Hamlet Had His Day

Earlier in class, Mr. Stedman was preaching his analysis of Hamlet. Mathew was punctually late. He had the usual ‘sorry I’m late’ smile on his face. Mr. Stedman gestured Mathew to take his seat and continued through the lecture uninterrupted. He told the class about Hamlet’s insecurities during the story and its importance to the plot.

“Without Hamlet’s insecurities, Hamlet would not be as tragic a play as it is. Hamlet brings his doubts to the audience in order for us to get a better idea of his thoughts and the way he acts. This is a useful method in writing because it allows the writer to understand the character more personally. By doing so, we can achieve a better sense of a story we want to write. Some people considered Hamlet to be suicidal whereas others look to him as a hero. In the story, we see he is given the rights of a fallen soldier. Some analysts say this was only done out of political reason. Leaving your story vague can lead to multiple analyses, which can end up being completely different angles to a story. Some writers will use this as a tool. Now let’s turn to page five hundred and thirty one and read through the last section of the play. Katie, you may start.”

The class finished the play and discussed the themes and motifs as usual. Derrick raised his hand constantly to ask about the way people were killed and how Hamlet was suicidal. As much has he wanted to continue his lecture, Mr. Stedman could not elaborate for more than ten minutes. The bell rang and the class filed out. Derrick walked out with Mathew and continued talking about Hamlet.

One Night Sits

Later that night, Mathew got a call from Derrick. He seemed a bit distressed and his voice wasn’t as strong as usual; it broke every few seconds as he spoke. Derrick was thinking suicidal thoughts and he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. He had to tell someone and he decided Mathew would be the most sensible person. Mathew always made sense when he thought things out for people. He was known well for that and all his friends would look up to him for it. After arguing a bit, Mathew became a little frustrated with Derrick and tried to help Derrick think things through.

“Dude, you have no reason to kill yourself. Tell me what reason you have to die.”

“You don’t understand, man. Every time I find a girl I care for she always leaves me for some other guy. I’m not good enough for anyone. I don’t want to live like this anymore.”

“Aww, Derrick. You’re good enough for everyone, man. Look…if you really care for her then you’d want her to care back, right? But she doesn’t. Even if you two could somehow get together it wouldn’t be right. You just wait. You’re going to least expect it when the right girl comes around and you’re going to be happier than you’ve ever known. Trust me on this one.”

“I don’t know, Mathew. I’ve waited a long—”

“Long time? No way. We’re in high school, buddy. You’ve still got another four years after this to find her. We’re just kids. Patience, man, patience.”

“Are you sure? I don’t even think I’m like-able.”

Mathew laughed, “Man, I can name a few girls who think you’re pretty cute.”

“What? Who?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

“No way, you’ve got to tell me now.”

“Hey, it’s not any fun if you get all the answers so easily.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

The two talked a bit more about girls and school; typical conversation for them. Both of them slept peacefully that night. Mathew knew he had done something right. Derrick knew he didn’t do anything wrong. No reason to die. No good reason at all.

Right Justification

Somehow the conversation Mathew had lingered in his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way Derrick came to suicide. Derrick had no reason to die. His life was perfect. He had a nice car, his parents took care of him, he was well-off in school, he never ran short on much of anything, and he always had somewhere to go on the weekends. Mathew kept thinking about this. How could he come up with this idea? Just because he can’t make it with some girl? That’s ridiculous! People commit suicide for much better reasons. Maybe in demonstrations, but what is Derrick demonstrating? Nothing other than being spoiled and stubborn. Derrick is totally lame. If anyone should commit suicide, it should be me. I’m the one stuck in a rut every day. My parents are the ones that are having problems. Hell, I don’t even know if I’ll have them next year. What is he whining about anyway? I can’t believe this guy. And then it hit him. If anyone was going to commit suicide, it should be Mathew. He was the only one with a justification for suicide; it made complete sense.

Two Week’s Notice

Mathew always planned ahead for everything which was kind of odd considering he was always late. In a sense, he planned for that too. But for now, his planning was focused on his next two weeks. The idea of knowing his last day alive fascinated Mathew. He felt a small power trip knowing he had control over his life. For the first time he felt completely confident in himself. He knew where he was going, he knew when and he knew how. Everything was crystal clear. July 7^th would make for the perfect date. He had two weeks to get whatever business he wanted done. Mathew spent his nights writing notes to the living. This was as organized as Mathew would ever get. There was a list of all his belongings and where they were to go, a written plan for his final night out, and personal journals as his time neared. Finally, Mathew had something to be proud of. This was the first promise he managed to keep to himself. He would finally finish something he had started. During his last days, Mathew took his time to enjoy the world around him. Nobody took notice to Mathew’s behavior. It was summer and kids were enjoying themselves. Mathew just seemed to be enjoying himself more than any other. He had put his two weeks in. Quitting never felt so good.

When You Finally Wake, You End Up Late>

It was blaring 7:42 A.M on Mathew’s alarm clock as his eyes broke open. School started at 7:30 and once again Mathew had overslept. He was still in his usual dreamy state. Slowly, he rolled off his bed to shut off the voice that was singing familiar lyrics: “always rushing, always late.” Perfect timing to an uneventful beginning. Soon after, a parade of yells, calls and fumbling noises commenced. Fifteen minutes and Mathew was ready to rush. The bus had left long ago so Mathew had no choice but to have his father drive him. On his way out he stepped on some notepapers. They weren’t too important since Mathew took notes once and never bothered to look back at them. They were just records of past conversations in class. Notes didn’t just contain words; pictures also shared space with text. After all, a picture said more in less graphite; perfect when passing notes in class. But Mathew had no time to bother with this, he was late and he had somewhere to go. En route, Mathew received his customary lecture on the importance of timing and the responsibility thereof. Mathew was good about timing when he wanted to be. He could be dead on time if he wanted. The problem was, he didn’t want to be. As usual, his father’s words passed through one ear and straight out the other. Mathew wasn’t anyone to learn from anybody. He learned at his own will. He took things the way he wanted and saw fit. No matter what his father said, Mathew would rarely be impacted by his words. Impacts would only be made by him.

Click Here to get a free nothing!!!!

Kashif Chowdhry — Fri, 28 May 2004 06:40:44 GMT

First paycheck from Albert: $161 ...good

Midterm for CIS: 124/125 ...great

Quiz in math: 7/10 ....ugh

Since some of you already read this anways...my_live_journal

I had extra time...

Kashif Chowdhry — Wed, 26 May 2004 07:31:34 GMT

I felt creative today and so, hey...I wrote another song for my band.

Relapse Photography – Baby, My Baby

Uh uh uh-oh

Uh uh oh-no

The tape started 5 million years ago

Started, but no one knows

Happens but no one grows

And we all fall down

Decades and centuries

Through war and treaties

How many find peace?

Not here

She cried “My baby, my baby!”

And I just stared into the sky

It kind of made me laugh

It kind of made me cry

It kind of made me live

It kind of made me die

Uh uh uh-oh

Uh uh oh-no

The rivers filled 5 thousand years ago

Filled up, but no one knows

Runs but no one floats

And we all go drown

Future and history

Ripping through, stressfully

Is there a breath for me?

Not here

Chorus

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

So think ahead, don’t waste your time here

Uh uh uh-oh

Uh uh oh-no

Chorus

English Hike (no, not the British kind)

Kashif Chowdhry — Sun, 23 May 2004 08:28:03 GMT

Class went hiking today and it was really nice besides the fact that I'm out of shape (I actually got tired going up the mountain..bad bad bad) and there wasn't enough class time to see everything. Hiking to the top was fun cause we all made random jokes and talked and I got to know some people a little better than I got to know them inside of class. We read poems and talked about them and what they meant to us. It was interesting to see who chose which poem and without saying who they were you could tell by the poem they chose and what they had to say about it. At the end of our discussions before we headed back down, Mr. Lovas said that he'd offer 20 points extra credit to whoever wrote a poem. So without further due..here is my poem

Forgotten

K.J. Chowdhry

Long have I forgotten who I used to be

I knew who I was at times like these

But now I fear a new direction has come

These winds pass through me as I run

To which way has my soul taken

And left this body here forsaken

I asked questions to the sky

Of which were granted no reply

Many a person will share prime

In a gathering of their time

Speak they will of many things

Bodies of earth and souls with wings

Like all must part these two will meet

Both compete as they complete

Each other in a whole new art

Yet time will tear them soon apart

High above and yet so low

The more I shrink, the more I grow

And as I sit here…pondering

Long have I forgotten who I used to be